Suicide Note

[Cobain]

In a film my friend made, the character commits suicide and theres a note left...it goes on for a while but it sums up the whole feel of the film...what do u think of the note, the feelings and emotions portrayed - can any of u relate to it?


What the fuck is gonna happen, in the long run none of this makes any sense, what?s the fucking point in anything ? trivial little arguments, fucked up mind games played by each other, everyone so defensive they creep back into their little hole and plan their counterattack. Petit fucking discussions about insignificant shit that noone really cares about, apart from the anal, self obsessed, small-minded homophobic mainstreamers who suck on media?s juicy teet.
But is there any point in me writing this, I mean I wanna write down my feelings, express my anger, portray sufficiently how much I despise the sheep of this fucked up little town, the people that have no aspirations, dreams, vision. They wear what they?re told to by the fucking mainstream masses. But maybe I shouldn?t be the one saying this, I mean I follow the fashion guidelines a little as well, if I had the money I would probably be strutting down Oxford Street showing my labels?maybe not?
Sometimes everyone needs to jump on the commercial bandwagon, and you can?t really blame people for it, but the wankers that I have to put up with day to day just make me wonder why?
Why do they take it over the top, why do they have to buy the same as everyone else?sure I?ve got a pair of fucking Adidas kicks but decking yourself out in label, head to toe really pisses me off.
What fucking good is this gonna do though, nothings gonna change. The 12 year old girls that buy manufactured, cheese-on-toast boy and girl bands are still gonna do it.
The little discussions over whose got better shoes, what fucking club plays better music, why you chose channel 3 over 4. Oh, who gives a fuck what I?m on about ? It?s good to let your anger and pain out but maybe it won?t make any difference at all. Kurt Cobain was a fucking inspiration to millions, he tried to stand up against mass-productive, commercial shite, the fat cat views of the world, but with no success.
Fuck this, I guess the only way you change your world is by changing your world?portray your views to your circle of friends, play your music around the people who respect you, teach them of broadmindedness?if you connect with only one person on the same level, even liking the same fucking Rage Against the Machine track, it really helps. It feels so good, it makes you realise that you?re not alone.
And I?m gonna sum things up by saying that loneliness is the curse of the devil. Sure it?s nice to have time to yourself to do your own thing, but when you need people around you who you can relate to, you really need them around you?or you start going fucking nuts. Maybe I needed someone with me when I wrote this, I needed someone who could relate to what I?m feeling?but right I feel so fucking alone?maybe one day, when someone reads this, looks over this note and can relate to what I?m saying, feels the same way as I do right now?maybe if that happens, and I realise it?s happened, maybe that?s when I?ll feel a whole lot happier. I think that would probably make me happier than watching England beat Germany in the 2000 World Cup, happier than people saying, ?oooh, you?re top is nice, where d?ya get it??? It would feel me with joy to realise that someone out there is the same as me, when I?ve just slated people for being too similar, slating them for thinking the same way?but fuck me, I feel like no-one feels like me at the moment and I don?t think it?s greedy and I don?t think it?s too much to pray to my grandmother and God to ask for some company that will make my world seem secure, make me feel loved or take away the loneliness. I don?t think that?s too much to ask, do you?

[wageslave]

hmmm, without saying too much, it does sound familiar. But it doesnt sound angry enough to me.

Just in case this is genuine, cobain, then please give Samaritans a ring (not the Bath lot though! they are all pearls and concerned smiles) Ring Samaritans in Bristol. If its not then it dont matter do it?

By the way cobain, I live in Bath myself (or used to, I now live in Frome, 'just' down the road.)

[Sian105]

Hmm. This sums up some things I've felt in the past but you have to look beyond alot of the things you have mentioned. Go beyond everyone liking designer clothes except you, go beyond having a different taste in music, go beyond Kurt Cobain. These were not the only reasons he did it- you have no idea what he was feeling. - the letter you've written seems too shallow - I'm sorry but it doesn't look inside the soul of anyone - it just talks of the troubles that any "alternative" teenager goes through in their life, and sure, some people take it worse than others, and thats a shame, because there is so much more to a person and to happiness than the things you have talked about.
It sounds like one of my 'age 13' diary entries, I really did feel alot like that but I never ever contemplated suicide becasue I was self aware of that particular stage in my life and of blowing things of proportion and feeling lonely. Now I have changed shitloads and I think to touch more people than lonely teenagers and nirvana fans with this film you need to go a hell of a lot deeper in to meaning of being, the meaning of interacting with other human beings, and the meaning of no longer living, not the meaning of "something in the way" (nevermind) or wearing adidas. Life and death in so thoroughly not about fashion , music or taste. If a character kills themselves over these things then they will evoke sympathy for being weak, they will not evoke contemplation of existence, which in my opinion is what onscreen suicude should do.

and there I close my sermon.

Sian

[The Baines Hunt Rebel]

i don't think anyone would say the word fuck in a suicide note. no matter how angry they were. no one ever commited suicide because they were angry and fuck doesn't say sad or helpless to me